If George Carlin Was on Kinja (NSFW!)

"Gabor Vajda (@Gabor_V)" (gaborvajda) 01/14/2014 at 08:36 • Filed to: george carlin, rant, parody, humour, nsfw

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Disclaimer: the following piece was thought up by me as a Kinja addict and having just finished listening to all of George Carlin's albums, I wrote this inspired piece in a quick rush. It is probably mostly about myself, it wasn't written to offend anyone. It's just something he probably would have liked to talk about if he still lived. Thanks for the seven words, George!

You ever seen a guy passing by his laptop pressing F5 just to see if a red circle shows up in the top left corner on their Kinja page? Thinking "Oooh, sh*t... I better get me some good comments." You ever seen that? I see them all the time. These guys just cannot stop thinking they are the perfect person for the job: writing funny sh*t. 'Cause that's what they think they are ought to do. They are the funniest people on Earth, they have ALL the knowledge, wisdom and mojo in the universe to make them the only people to write the only important stuff on Kinja. You ever seen that?

They post some c**ks**king photo on the web that might just be someone taking a dump in someone else's mouth and write some cornholing abbreviation next to it: WTF, LOL, NSFW, CIA, FBI - all government stuff, apparently - and I'm just sitting there thinking "WHAT THE F*CK ARE THESE PEOPLE SAYING?" No one taught them to use letters to vomit actual words on the screen? USE THE F*CKING WORDS, USE THE G****MN MOTHERF*CKING WORDS! IT'S CALLED ENGLISH, YOU MORON!

Gotta tell you, these people piss me off REEEEEEAAAAL baaaad. They go around with their laptops or the f**goty so-called smartpads, checking their e-mails, moving around some windows, clicking on the calendar to see if they are still important and just soooooo casually, looking SOOOOO CASUALLY they are pressing their F-f**king-5 to refresh their Kinja page to see if someone's worshipping them already, right? And they just keep staring to see the red glowing circle in the top left corner. They are dying to see the red circle with a big number in it, they are dying to be the commenter of the day. They actually think they are relevant. They actually think their thoughts matter to someone else.

Let me tell you this: YOUR THOUGHTS ARE TOTALLY USELESS AND S*CK D*CK LIKE YOU DO IN YOUR PASS TIME!

So here's a piece of advice to these people: Are you dying to see the red circle? GET IN THE MIDDLE OF A F**KING CROSSROADS IN DOWNTOWN BROOKLYN AND WATCH THE TRAFFIC LIGHTS! YOU'LL BE DYING TO SEE THAT SH*T COMING ON!

Mattbob > Gabor Vajda (@Gabor_V) 01/14/2014 at 08:37

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so angry. Calm down man.

The Transporter > Gabor Vajda (@Gabor_V) 01/14/2014 at 08:45

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SUCH ANGER

MUCH STARTLE

Gabor Vajda (@Gabor_V) > Mattbob 01/14/2014 at 08:46

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I'm not angry, quite the contrary.

Gabor Vajda (@Gabor_V) > The Transporter 01/14/2014 at 08:47

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Like I said: not angry.

Tentacle, Dutchman, drives French > Gabor Vajda (@Gabor_V) 01/14/2014 at 08:58

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You pretty much nailed his style of, erhh, commenting on things. That was an enjoyable read. Read it in George's voice even.

So I wish you a lot of red little circle'ly things in the top left.

Gabor Vajda (@Gabor_V) > Tentacle, Dutchman, drives French 01/14/2014 at 09:12

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Haha, thanks!

The Transporter > Gabor Vajda (@Gabor_V) 01/14/2014 at 09:13

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In all seriousness, though, it would be nice if Kinja had automatically updated notifications like Facebook so we wouldn't have to hit F5 all the damned time. It shouldn't be that complicated (he said, being a CS major and knowing full damned well that it can be that complicated).

AthomSfere > Gabor Vajda (@Gabor_V) 01/14/2014 at 09:26

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I could help but hear Carlin's voice as I read through it.

Great man, that Carlin!

zadman > Gabor Vajda (@Gabor_V) 01/14/2014 at 10:33

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This was a joy to read. Thank you. *looks at blue square for red "1" denoting recommend from author*